Cam I Am

Tonight I’ve been thinking about things..

Where exactly is help when you need it?  I know that I’m beginning to sound like a broken record, but really..  where is the help?

I’ve been off work for 9 weeks.  I’ve received MAYBE 5 phone calls from people at work to see how I’m doing.  Most of my family don’t bother to pick up the phone at the best of times, but with the exception of my youngest brother, Andrew, and my father, no one has called to see how I’m doing…

So… I’m going to lay it all out on the line now..  if you aren’t interested in knowing, then there isn’t any point in reading beyond here.

I hurt..  More than I have before..  More than when I cracked my ribs many years ago.  I can walk for very short distances before I get sharp pains in the back of my legs and ankle.  If I try to push it, it gets worse.. Eventually, I’ll feel my lower back getting more aggravated..  like a bone on bone feeling.  I’m on 3 different medications to make it managable.  To sum it up, I can’t work..  There is no way that I could do my job the way I feel, no matter how easy a day it was.

Next… We are running out of money.  I have seen one payment from Pacific Blue Cross for Short-Term Disability..  ONE… They won’t issue another until my doctor fills in a follow-up report, and unfortunately, he was in a car accident and won’t be back to work until Oct 1st.  I’ve cashed in most of my RRSP’s that I have saved, just to survive.  I do now have a claim in with WorkSafeBC/WCB, but I’ve been told don’t expect a lot.  “It’s been over a year since the inital injury” so they won’t even look at that.  I don’t really give a crap if it’s been over a year.  I hurt myself while working.  I don’t care that it was two years ago.. I care that I am going to be off for at least another year at the rate I’m going, and quite honestly, I’m beginning to worry about paying the bills and feeding my family.   Yes, we might actually end up losing our house that we bought back in February.

So now what?  Well, I’m supposed to call into the work on Friday to talk to the manager.  She’s been supportive up to now, but I know that she’s limited with what she can do.  I don’t think that she, or the union will be able to do much arm-twisting with WCB.  And since I’m not going to be able to go back to my regular job (without some serious painkillers), hopefully she can find something else.  Even if she can, it won’t be at the same pay level that I was at, so I still have the problem of paying the bills. 

So what the hell do I do?  I suppose that I could just start looking for another position at work, or another job somewhere else that I would be able to do, but I actually LIKE my job.  I enjoy the work, the people, the variety, and, yes, the money too.  There aren’t going to be that many jobs out there that I can sit at a desk all day and get paid well for it.  Besides, I’ve done the office thing, and I have a hard time being stuck in 4 walls all day.

I’m tired of being optimistic..  I’m tired of trying to think that things will work out.  I need answers..  I need to see a neurosurgeon now not April 15, 2008. I need someone to step forward and say, “This is what you need to do, and it will work, and everything will be alright.”

But it hasn’t happened yet…

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