Cam I Am

I’ve been doing this job for over eight years now. In that time, I’ve seen and heard some pretty bizarre things. Today, I am able to add to my collection of oddities.

I just finished disconnecting someone in an apartment building and was trying to get back out to the front of the building. Unfortunately, the only way I could find from the underground was through an emergency exit that lead to the back of the building. So, I start walking along the pathway that would eventually wrap around to the front. On his first floor balcony, there was this man holding a telephone conversation. Now, I wasn’t trying to listen to him as I walked by, but I could help but here him say: “You see, the problem is that my polar bear is being considered a captive alien species.”

I couldn’t help but look over at him with a confused look. He shot an angry look at me, but continued his conversation.

If he had said his dog, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But his POLAR BEAR???? WTF?

So, I continued along my way.. Confused about his statement.. I wasn’t trying to listen to his conversation, but you have to expect some reaction from a passerby if you make odd statements in a place that others can hear you..

Just in time for Christmas, I’ve decided to post another blog. Yes, I have been quiet recently.

It’s Christmas Eve, and I’m lucky enough to work a half day today. I looked at my route when I got to the office this morning and it looks straightforward. So, I proceed to my first call of the day.

I arrive and find out that the customer would like to have TV service in his bedroom, where he already has internet. Great! No problem!

So, I start my work. I go to plug in the digital box that I’ve brought to hook up when I see a used condom entangled in the wires that I am working near/around.  The guy is sitting nearby and I know he sees what I see, but does nothing.  WTF?!

So, as I gingerly pick around the area, being careful to not touch it and on the lookout for other rogue condoms that could be lurking in the collection of wires and dirty socks.  Meanwhile, this guy is chatting away with me either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that I may find the situation a little disgusting..

I finished up and booked it out of that call.   Fortunately, the rest of my morning was uneventful..  :)

And on that note, Merry Christmas!  :)

I came across this yesterday..   At first, I thought that it was just an old toilet sitting in the meter room (there were old refridgerators and stoves in there too).   Then I looked closer..

Yes…  That is a fully functional toilet right next to our service box!

I came across this yesterday.  Please note the vise grips holding the dish in place!

Very professional!

I was at a call this morning when I had to go to this person’s garage to hook them up. Under the cable box, this us what I found… I also found some ribs and a very bloody butcher table.

Last week, I was a dumbass and locked my keys in my van when I stopped for a quick bite to eat for lunch.

After calling a tow truck to open up my van, I waited by the vehicle. Right behind me was this guy panhandling. At first, he was quiet, but then he started to talk to me.. Here was his opening statement..

“I wish I had a parrot. That way I could train it to ask for spare change for me. Yup! I definately need a parrot. I think they live for a long time though. And I think they are expensive. And if I need to take him to the vet, that would be hundreds of dollars.. Hmmm… Maybe a parrot isn’t a good idea. What do you think?”

Well, I agreed with him that it probably would be expensive. I’m staring through my passenger window, eying my keys, considering breaking my own window to get away from this guys verbal diarhrea. Because it didn’t stop there.. And I was now running late for work

Eventually, the tow truck showed up and I was on my way. Before I left, I wished the panhandler good luck with his parrot idea. While he had some crazy ideas, he did seem nice enough…

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been collecting a small list of mis-spoken blunders..

While shopping in Zellers, my 3-year old doesn’t seem to be able to say “elevator”.  I said that she could push the button in the elevator and she said “the alligator?”  After I was done laughing, I tried to explain the difference between alligator and elevator — one you want to be in, the other you don’t!

At a customer’s home, a teenage son notices that his mother’s coat seems to be leaking feathers out of it.  He said, “Mom, I think your coat is mulching!”   I can only assume that he meant moulting!

One of my co-workers had a situation that the customer insisted that they wanted a cable outlet installed in their chicken.  It didn’t take long for him to figure out that they meant kitchen!

And finally, I’ll post this one again…

While I was in an elevator, a customer asked me if I was a cable insulter..   Close!  Installer!

Have a great day! 

I’ve told this story to a few people and thought that I’d share it here..

Back in August, I was working in Abbotsford.  While I don’t remember every call I go to, this is one I’ll never forget.

At this call, I was installing digital phone for a lady that lives in a trailer/mobile home.  After I explained what I needed to do to install it, I went outside to find our connection point for cable (CSE) and telephone demarcation point. 

What luck!  Our CSE was on the front of the trailer!  Usually they are underneath the skirt of the trailer!  I follow the telephone drop and discover that it goes underneath the trailer. 

*SIGH* 

I’m a pretty big guy, so crawling around under a trailer isn’t exactly fun, but it’s part of the job.  I look around for the access panel to get under and discover I can’t find it.  In the customer’s carport, there was a lot of.. well..  crap really.  She mentions something about her daughter recently moving in with her and blah, blah, blah..  

Eventually, we find it.  I pop the panel open and peer in through the opening.  There is a lot of insulation hanging down, but about six feet in, I can see the demarc.  As I get ready to crawl under, I see something on the ground just inside and to the right. 

“What that hell is that!?”, I exclaim.  A slightly closer look and I realize..

It’s the skeleton of some animal!  No flesh or fur, just this skeleton of some animal!  I’m not talking about a mouse or rat, but something much larger.  I say to the customer, “What is that?  It doesn’t look like it’s a cat..  maybe a racoon?”

She replies, “It might be a possum!  We have lots of those around!”  I looked a little closer at it and then noticed something. 

“It has no legs!?  And how would it get under there?”

The customer’s answer is what I found amusing!  She said, “There’s a big hole in the back under the trailer.  You know, come to think of it, I remember a few months ago hearing a big fight under there.   And for the longest time, there were tons of flies out front here for a while too!”

I close the panel and tell her that I had no plans for going under there.  Fortunately, the customer understood why (mainly because I don’t know what’s still under there and alive!)  Then she asked me who she would call to remove and dispose of the legless possum remains.

I smiled and said, “I don’t know..  but certainly not the cable guy!”

I had one of the most creative/bizzare reasons for a customer canceling his order today..

On the work order, the call seemed pretty routine.  Install digital phone for a customer in Vancouver’s downtown eastside.  I get to the building, the manager lets me in and then askes me which suite I was going to.  I tell him which one was getting phone service and he asks me what name was on the work order.  I tell him the woman’s name I had, and he looked at me and said, “That doesn’t sound right at all!  But I do know who that is!”

The manager and I went up to the customers suite, and knock on the door.  Once the customer answered, the manager informed him that I was there to hook up phone.  The customers reply was:

“Oh no.  I didn’t want the service right now.  Please cancel it! One of the hookers that I had over must have ordered it!” 

Dumbfounded, I replied that I’d cancel the order for him and walked out, shaking my head in disbelief.  I’ve never had that as a reason to cancel an order before..

Only on the downtown eastside.. 

After several years of going to this building, I’ve finally decided to take a picture of something that has always confused me about the parking situation. As you will see below, I parked in what is clearly marked as “Visitors Parking”. The confusing part is the sign that is posted there.

Umm.. what?   No Parking In This Area?   How can this be called Visitors Parking if I can’t park there?