Cam I Am

For the last three summers, I’ve had an issue..

With seagulls..

I’m sure that you are wondering what the hell my problem is with seagulls, but I freely admit that I now have a fear of seagulls..

Why?

For those of you who don’t know, many buildings in downtown Vancouver have cable service boxes on the roof.  It’s a great place for them!  No one ever goes up there, they are usually easy to find and access and can save time, instead of searching floor after floor for a service box.  The problem is that because no one ever goes up on the roof, seagulls like to build nests on the roof and have their eggs/young up there..

Picture this..

I’m going up to the roof of a building.  I get there and there is a nest, somewhere up there.  As soon as I step out on the roof, those $!#@% birds go nuts!  They go into attack mode!  They will do anything to defend their babies..

And it gets worse. 

They call out to the seagulls perched on top of other buildings!  They all come!  They swoop, swarm and dive.  They get into your face (literally, as one tech found out)…   They are vicious creatures! 

So..  I’ve come up with two plans to do my work..

Plan A - I get the customer to come on the roof with a broom.  Usually, when I tell them this, they roll their eyes and think that I’m a moron.  By the time they get up there and see what I’m talking about, they are much my understanding about why I can’t safely open the service box, find their line, close the box, and fight off seagulls..  (one time, I had nine gulls diving on me and a customer on a roof).

Plan B – Work in Abbotsford.. 

I get mocked at work..  But I believe that more and more techs are finding the same problems.  It seems that in the last few years, they are getting much more defensive about us being up there.  The good news is that while seagulls typically nest from April to October, they seem to be in attack mode from late June to mid-September..

Fucking birds…

This past week proved to be a frustrating one at work.. 

On Monday, I had a call to install digital phone service for a customer.  Ordinarily, this is relatively easy to do for most customers, but this was no ordinary case.

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Well, I thought that I’d post a few “Cable Guy Stories”…  I posted one quite some time ago about a customer who didn’t get my job title quite right!  

I’ve told a number of people this story, but one of my brothers, Andrew, has requested that I post it on my blog.

This happened back in early April..  I was working in Abbotsford at the time, installing digital phone service for customers..

I pulled up in front of this house, walked up to the front door, and rang the bell.  After about a minute, this guy answers the door.  Here’s how the converstion went..

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Me: “Hi, I’m here from Shaw Cable to install your digital phone”

Customer: “Okay….”

At this point, the average person would invite you in..  Not so much in this case..

Me: (After several silent seconds) “Okay, well I have to install this device in your house”  (I now show him the digital phone terminal)

Customer: ”Okay…”

Me: “Would I be able to have a look around inside?”

Customer: (several seconds of a blank stare) “Sure..  But that thing has to go in the house?  Are you sure that it can’t go outside?”

Me: (getting a little sarcastic here!) “I’m sure..  it would be fine until the first time that it rains, then it would short out!  I need to install it in the house near an electrical outlet, cable outlet, and a phone jack”.

Customer: (a long blank stare) “Um..  we have a problem..”

At this point the customer turns around, and goes into the house and up the stairs..  I don’t know why this guy is looking stunned at everything I say, but I follow him up into the house… 

Customer: (we are now in his kitchen) “Well, here’s the phone jack… (a long pause follows), and the cable is in the living room.”

There is another period of silence..  I’m still waiting to hear what the “problem” is, and aside from the very 70’s decor in the house, I’m failing to see a problem.  At this point, I restate that I need all three requirements together, but tell him as long as I can have it near an electrical outlet, I can install phone and cable.  He stares again, as if I’m a martian or something, and then says that he should call his wife..  He calls her and it seems that the conversation went about as strange as the one that I had with him.  In the end, his wife tells him to have it installed in the basement, in a storage room.  He takes me downstairs and opens the door to a room that is completely dark and is full of boxes and other things.  With the door open, he just stares at me.

Me: “Is there a light in there?”

Customer: “Um, no…  we use this.” 

With this, he turns on some light within the room..  I’m beginning to wonder what this guy is on..

Me:  “Okay..  is there cable and power in here?”

Customer: “No..  is that going to be a problem?”

Me:  “Well, in order for this to work yes..  I can install it in here, but I’d need to have all of these boxes moved so that I could run the lines to where I need to”

Customer:  “Well..  I’ll have to reschedule again.”

Me: “Okay..  for next week?  What works for you?”

Customer: “In May” (keep in mind this happened in early April)

Me: (getting frustrated with this guy!) “Okay, I’ll have the order cancelled and you can call in to re-order once you are ready.”

This is where it gets interesting!

Customer: (leading me to the front door) “Okay..  You’ll have to excuse me but I’m recovering from…. (long pause)..  exercise..  I’m not a professional or anything, but I’m recovering from….exercise..”

I’m thinking, WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?  Recovering from exercise? And your not a professional?  AT WHAT?  Exercise?  Is that why you seem to have the ability to react as fast as a snail on a skating rink?

With that, I left..  Believe it or not, I’ve shortened the story to spare you all..  In total, I spent 20 minutes with this guy…  It was a very long 20 minutes at that..

Since I started working for Shaw, I’ve been called numerous things.  Some of them are funny, like the people who insist on calling you “The Cable Guy”, even though you’ve told them your name.  Others make comments like “Do you know Jim Carrey?”.   Even when I was in the audit department, giving people the choice of paying for there illegal cable or cutting it off, I was given a variety of names..  I’m sure that I don’t need to go into detail about those ones..

But today, I had a new first.  I was in an elevator of a building, when a resident of the building asked me if I worked “for the cable”.  At this point, it was clear to me that his first language was not English.  I replied that I did work for Shaw, and his reply was, “You are an insulter?”.  I smiled, and informed him that indeed that I was an installer.    And that was it..

 So, apparently, I no longer install cable…I just insult it…

 As long as the pay is the same, I’m good with that!