Cam I Am

You and I go way back.  For years, you have been a good friend to me.. or so I thought.

I’m writing you this letter to let you know that our relationship can continue no longer.  Oh yes, I do love your cold, smooth Blizzards.  And we will always have the memories of countless banana splits.  Your chocolate sauce…  dipped cones..  the occasional Dilly Bar..   And how could I ever forget ice-cream cakes..   I’m drooling right now just thinking about it..

But I’m getting off track with this letter.  This isn’t working for me.  While things at the time always seem good, when you aren’t around, my true feelings of regret come forward.  When things are going wrong or if I’m having a bad day, you are always there for me.  I get a temporary feeling of being content with you around.  But that always quickly fades..  In the end, I always end up feeling worse off for having you around.   So, we must end this destructive relationship we have before things get worse..

I’m sorry..  That’s just the way it has to be..

I took a picture of this street sign back in the summer..

This has to be the most unimaginative street name ever!

Last week, I was a dumbass and locked my keys in my van when I stopped for a quick bite to eat for lunch.

After calling a tow truck to open up my van, I waited by the vehicle. Right behind me was this guy panhandling. At first, he was quiet, but then he started to talk to me.. Here was his opening statement..

“I wish I had a parrot. That way I could train it to ask for spare change for me. Yup! I definately need a parrot. I think they live for a long time though. And I think they are expensive. And if I need to take him to the vet, that would be hundreds of dollars.. Hmmm… Maybe a parrot isn’t a good idea. What do you think?”

Well, I agreed with him that it probably would be expensive. I’m staring through my passenger window, eying my keys, considering breaking my own window to get away from this guys verbal diarhrea. Because it didn’t stop there.. And I was now running late for work

Eventually, the tow truck showed up and I was on my way. Before I left, I wished the panhandler good luck with his parrot idea. While he had some crazy ideas, he did seem nice enough…

I just came across this while reading the news.  I thought that I’d share it here!

____________________________________________________________________________________

Top quotes of the year

December 14, 2008 – 1:26 pm

By: THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The Top 10 quotes of 2008, as compiled by the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations:

1. “I can see Russia from my house!” – Comedian Tina Fey, while impersonating Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on “Saturday Night Live,” broadcast Sept. 13

2. “All of them, any of them that have been in front of me over all these years.” – Palin, responding to a request by CBS anchor Katie Couric to name the newspapers or magazines she reads, broadcast Oct. 1

3. “We have sort of become a nation of whiners.” – former Senator Phil Gramm, an economic adviser to Senator John McCain, quoted in the Washington Times, July 10

4. “It’s not based on any particular data point, we just wanted to choose a really large number.” – a Treasury Department spokeswoman explaining how the $700 billion number was chosen for the initial bailout, quoted on Forbes.com Sept. 23

5. “The fundamentals of America’s economy are strong.” – McCain, in an interview with Bloomberg TV, April 17

6. “Decisions by the secretary pursuant to the authority of this act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.” – the Treasury Department’s proposed Emergency Economic Stabilization Act, September 2008

7. “Maybe 100.” – McCain, discussing in a town hall meeting in Derry, N.H., how many years American troops could remain in Iraq, Jan. 3

8. “I’ll see you at the debates, b…….” – Paris Hilton in a video responding to a McCain television ad, August 2008

9. “Barack, he’s talking down to black people. … I want to cut his … off.” – Rev. Jesse Jackson, overheard over a live microphone before a Fox News interview, July 6

10. (tie) “Cash for trash.” – Paul Krugman discussing the financial bailout, New York Times, Sept. 22.

10. (tie) “There are no atheists in foxholes and there are no libertarians in financial crises.” – Krugman, in an interview with Bill Maher on HBO’s “Real Time,” broadcast Sept. 19

10. (tie) “Anyone who says we’re in a recession, or heading into one – especially the worst one since the Great Depression – is making up his own private definition of “recession.” – commentator Donald Luskin, the day before Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, the Washington Post, Sept. 14

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been collecting a small list of mis-spoken blunders..

While shopping in Zellers, my 3-year old doesn’t seem to be able to say “elevator”.  I said that she could push the button in the elevator and she said “the alligator?”  After I was done laughing, I tried to explain the difference between alligator and elevator — one you want to be in, the other you don’t!

At a customer’s home, a teenage son notices that his mother’s coat seems to be leaking feathers out of it.  He said, “Mom, I think your coat is mulching!”   I can only assume that he meant moulting!

One of my co-workers had a situation that the customer insisted that they wanted a cable outlet installed in their chicken.  It didn’t take long for him to figure out that they meant kitchen!

And finally, I’ll post this one again…

While I was in an elevator, a customer asked me if I was a cable insulter..   Close!  Installer!

Have a great day! 

I’ve told this story to a few people and thought that I’d share it here..

Back in August, I was working in Abbotsford.  While I don’t remember every call I go to, this is one I’ll never forget.

At this call, I was installing digital phone for a lady that lives in a trailer/mobile home.  After I explained what I needed to do to install it, I went outside to find our connection point for cable (CSE) and telephone demarcation point. 

What luck!  Our CSE was on the front of the trailer!  Usually they are underneath the skirt of the trailer!  I follow the telephone drop and discover that it goes underneath the trailer. 

*SIGH* 

I’m a pretty big guy, so crawling around under a trailer isn’t exactly fun, but it’s part of the job.  I look around for the access panel to get under and discover I can’t find it.  In the customer’s carport, there was a lot of.. well..  crap really.  She mentions something about her daughter recently moving in with her and blah, blah, blah..  

Eventually, we find it.  I pop the panel open and peer in through the opening.  There is a lot of insulation hanging down, but about six feet in, I can see the demarc.  As I get ready to crawl under, I see something on the ground just inside and to the right. 

“What that hell is that!?”, I exclaim.  A slightly closer look and I realize..

It’s the skeleton of some animal!  No flesh or fur, just this skeleton of some animal!  I’m not talking about a mouse or rat, but something much larger.  I say to the customer, “What is that?  It doesn’t look like it’s a cat..  maybe a racoon?”

She replies, “It might be a possum!  We have lots of those around!”  I looked a little closer at it and then noticed something. 

“It has no legs!?  And how would it get under there?”

The customer’s answer is what I found amusing!  She said, “There’s a big hole in the back under the trailer.  You know, come to think of it, I remember a few months ago hearing a big fight under there.   And for the longest time, there were tons of flies out front here for a while too!”

I close the panel and tell her that I had no plans for going under there.  Fortunately, the customer understood why (mainly because I don’t know what’s still under there and alive!)  Then she asked me who she would call to remove and dispose of the legless possum remains.

I smiled and said, “I don’t know..  but certainly not the cable guy!”

I had one of the most creative/bizzare reasons for a customer canceling his order today..

On the work order, the call seemed pretty routine.  Install digital phone for a customer in Vancouver’s downtown eastside.  I get to the building, the manager lets me in and then askes me which suite I was going to.  I tell him which one was getting phone service and he asks me what name was on the work order.  I tell him the woman’s name I had, and he looked at me and said, “That doesn’t sound right at all!  But I do know who that is!”

The manager and I went up to the customers suite, and knock on the door.  Once the customer answered, the manager informed him that I was there to hook up phone.  The customers reply was:

“Oh no.  I didn’t want the service right now.  Please cancel it! One of the hookers that I had over must have ordered it!” 

Dumbfounded, I replied that I’d cancel the order for him and walked out, shaking my head in disbelief.  I’ve never had that as a reason to cancel an order before..

Only on the downtown eastside.. 

After several years of going to this building, I’ve finally decided to take a picture of something that has always confused me about the parking situation. As you will see below, I parked in what is clearly marked as “Visitors Parking”. The confusing part is the sign that is posted there.

Umm.. what?   No Parking In This Area?   How can this be called Visitors Parking if I can’t park there? 

A couple of months ago, I got a Garmin Nuvi 250 GPS unit.  A number of friends and co-workers have this units and rave about them, so I was excited when I got mine.

So far, it’s worked great.  When I was working in an area that I was not very familiar with, it showed me all sorts of routes that I never would have thought of, even when looking at a map. 

Now, there are a couple drawbacks to having the GPS unit.  First, I’ve discovered that the maps aren’t always accurate.  For example, streets have been created in reality, that are not reflected in the maps of the unit.  This is easy to get around.   The other issue is spelling of some street names..

Now, Garmin does warn about this.  In fact, here is exactly  what they say..

One of the goals of Garmin is to provide customers with the most complete and accurate cartography that is available to us at a reasonable cost.  We use a combination of governmental and private data sources, which we identify in product literature and copyright messages displayed to the consumer.  Virtually all data sources contain some inaccurate or incomplete data.  In some countries, complete and accurate map information is either not available or is prohibitively expensive.

I can understand and respect that.  While in Vancouver, it seems to be very accurate, aside from newer streets missing, the spelling of the street names is fine.   While I was in Abbotsford (an area with less population), it was fairly good.  Some streets were misspelled, but overall it was good..

This weekend, my family and I drove up to Penticton for Thanksgiving.  We were heading up Highway 3, when I looked at the Garmin and noticed the next street that we would intersect, a few kilometers ahead. 

I couldn’t believe what I was reading..  I asked my wife to look, and she burst out laughing.  How had we missed this street, in all the years of us driving up and down the highway?

What?!?!?  Asshole River Rd? 

It turns out that the actual street name is Ashnola River Road.   It did provide us with plenty of entertainment for the weekend, with my wife and I occasionally calling each other an ashnola…

For the last three summers, I’ve had an issue..

With seagulls..

I’m sure that you are wondering what the hell my problem is with seagulls, but I freely admit that I now have a fear of seagulls..

Why?

For those of you who don’t know, many buildings in downtown Vancouver have cable service boxes on the roof.  It’s a great place for them!  No one ever goes up there, they are usually easy to find and access and can save time, instead of searching floor after floor for a service box.  The problem is that because no one ever goes up on the roof, seagulls like to build nests on the roof and have their eggs/young up there..

Picture this..

I’m going up to the roof of a building.  I get there and there is a nest, somewhere up there.  As soon as I step out on the roof, those $!#@% birds go nuts!  They go into attack mode!  They will do anything to defend their babies..

And it gets worse. 

They call out to the seagulls perched on top of other buildings!  They all come!  They swoop, swarm and dive.  They get into your face (literally, as one tech found out)…   They are vicious creatures! 

So..  I’ve come up with two plans to do my work..

Plan A - I get the customer to come on the roof with a broom.  Usually, when I tell them this, they roll their eyes and think that I’m a moron.  By the time they get up there and see what I’m talking about, they are much my understanding about why I can’t safely open the service box, find their line, close the box, and fight off seagulls..  (one time, I had nine gulls diving on me and a customer on a roof).

Plan B – Work in Abbotsford.. 

I get mocked at work..  But I believe that more and more techs are finding the same problems.  It seems that in the last few years, they are getting much more defensive about us being up there.  The good news is that while seagulls typically nest from April to October, they seem to be in attack mode from late June to mid-September..

Fucking birds…