Cam I Am

I just got the most entertaining e-mail.  I thought that I’d share it with everyone!

As I posted yesterday, I’m trying to track down and buy a Nintendo Wii for Christmas this year.  In addition to me calling store upon store, I thought that I’d put an “item wanted” ad on Craigslist and Kijiji.  While on those sites, I came across an ad stating that he had a total of 6 for sale.  So, I e-mailed him to say that I was interested..  Here was his reply:

Price: $300.
Free shipping.
This is new in sealed box and with 1 year warranty.
Shipping method: eBay Courier.
Time delivery: 3 days.
 
I’m from Romania and in my country PayPal service is not available yet.
We can use eBay Exchange Package.
I’ll send the product via eBay Courier 3 days Air.
After that you will receive the instructions for payment via email and you will send the money via Western Union to an eBay agent.
eBay will inspect the goods and will confirm the payment and will make the exchange.
This method is ok for you?
 
I’ll wait for your reply asap!
 
Best regards!

Well..  Let me tell you..  I laughed my ass off!   I then replied that I know a scam when I see it… 

That should take care of that! 

Well, I thought that I’d post a few “Cable Guy Stories”…  I posted one quite some time ago about a customer who didn’t get my job title quite right!  

I’ve told a number of people this story, but one of my brothers, Andrew, has requested that I post it on my blog.

This happened back in early April..  I was working in Abbotsford at the time, installing digital phone service for customers..

I pulled up in front of this house, walked up to the front door, and rang the bell.  After about a minute, this guy answers the door.  Here’s how the converstion went..

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Me: “Hi, I’m here from Shaw Cable to install your digital phone”

Customer: “Okay….”

At this point, the average person would invite you in..  Not so much in this case..

Me: (After several silent seconds) “Okay, well I have to install this device in your house”  (I now show him the digital phone terminal)

Customer: ”Okay…”

Me: “Would I be able to have a look around inside?”

Customer: (several seconds of a blank stare) “Sure..  But that thing has to go in the house?  Are you sure that it can’t go outside?”

Me: (getting a little sarcastic here!) “I’m sure..  it would be fine until the first time that it rains, then it would short out!  I need to install it in the house near an electrical outlet, cable outlet, and a phone jack”.

Customer: (a long blank stare) “Um..  we have a problem..”

At this point the customer turns around, and goes into the house and up the stairs..  I don’t know why this guy is looking stunned at everything I say, but I follow him up into the house… 

Customer: (we are now in his kitchen) “Well, here’s the phone jack… (a long pause follows), and the cable is in the living room.”

There is another period of silence..  I’m still waiting to hear what the “problem” is, and aside from the very 70’s decor in the house, I’m failing to see a problem.  At this point, I restate that I need all three requirements together, but tell him as long as I can have it near an electrical outlet, I can install phone and cable.  He stares again, as if I’m a martian or something, and then says that he should call his wife..  He calls her and it seems that the conversation went about as strange as the one that I had with him.  In the end, his wife tells him to have it installed in the basement, in a storage room.  He takes me downstairs and opens the door to a room that is completely dark and is full of boxes and other things.  With the door open, he just stares at me.

Me: “Is there a light in there?”

Customer: “Um, no…  we use this.” 

With this, he turns on some light within the room..  I’m beginning to wonder what this guy is on..

Me:  “Okay..  is there cable and power in here?”

Customer: “No..  is that going to be a problem?”

Me:  “Well, in order for this to work yes..  I can install it in here, but I’d need to have all of these boxes moved so that I could run the lines to where I need to”

Customer:  “Well..  I’ll have to reschedule again.”

Me: “Okay..  for next week?  What works for you?”

Customer: “In May” (keep in mind this happened in early April)

Me: (getting frustrated with this guy!) “Okay, I’ll have the order cancelled and you can call in to re-order once you are ready.”

This is where it gets interesting!

Customer: (leading me to the front door) “Okay..  You’ll have to excuse me but I’m recovering from…. (long pause)..  exercise..  I’m not a professional or anything, but I’m recovering from….exercise..”

I’m thinking, WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?  Recovering from exercise? And your not a professional?  AT WHAT?  Exercise?  Is that why you seem to have the ability to react as fast as a snail on a skating rink?

With that, I left..  Believe it or not, I’ve shortened the story to spare you all..  In total, I spent 20 minutes with this guy…  It was a very long 20 minutes at that..

Last night, I decided to watch the move, The Cable Guy.  I am not entirely sure what possessed me to do that, considering I thought that it was a bad movie in 1995.  I assure you that time doesn’t improve all things!

One of the things that annoys me about it is when Chip (Jim Carrey) “flicks the switch”.  THERE IS NO SWITCH!  At least not here in Canada!  The number of times when I’m working that I here “Don’t you just need to flick the switch?” is astounding! 

Also, you get the “clever” people.  I’ll get to a home, someone answers the door, and then they turn around and yell into the house, “The cable guy is here!”.  Then, they’ll look at me and think that they have just realized some incredible thing, and make a joke/reference to the movie.

The best/worst one was when a customer asked me, “You’re not going to try to be my friend, are you?”  I assured them that I had no interest in that..

Anyhow…  enough about dumb movies!

Other than that, I’m doing okay, all things considered.  With the modification to my meds, I “feel” a little better.  But, I still have to be careful, because all that means is that I don’t feel myself overdoing it…  at least not until later..

I wish I was able to go back to work… 

In the past few weeks, my kids have atonished me and made me laugh..

First, I’ll start with Lizzy.  Last night at dinner, she asked what was heaven.  Colleen tried to explain it as well as she could, mentioning that when we die, we go to heaven..

This is when things got confusing for Elisabeth, and hysterical to me..

She asked if our bodies go to heaven.  Colleen replied that our bodies our buried.

Lizzy – “So, our bodies are buried, and our heads go to heaven?”  (I’m now laughing out loud, while Colleen shoots a look at me to be quiet). 

Colleen – “No, our bodies and head our buried.  Our spirit goes to heaven.”

Anyhow, after some explanation, Lizzy now understands.. Meanwhile, I’m having these images of heads floating up to heaven..

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On to Megan now..  Her vacabulary is expanding so fast everyday..  This morning, I go to sit on the couch that she’s on, when she says, “Daddy, I behind you!”.   I look at her astonished, wondering when she learned the concept of being behind someone.

She also is having problem pronouncing words, like any other two year old, she doesn’t know what she’s saying.  She will try to tell us “I need a fork!”, but it comes out as….well..  I’m sure you can imagine what it sounds like.  The other word is “clock”.   I remember Lizzy at the age of two saying “cock” instead of “clock”.  My father-in-law thought this was funny, and would show Lizzy their grandfather clock in the living room, and trying to get her to say “Grandpa’s big clock”.   Thanksgiving this weekend should be entertaining in Penticton this weekend.

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Now for Ainsley..  She’s 10 months old, and as of 3 days ago, has learned to crawl.  She’s said her first word.  Now, you’d expect her first word to be mama or papa, but nope…that’s not it….

She’ll be on the floor, point at something and said, “Look!”.  Well…  it comes out more as a “g-ook”, only because she can’t pronounce the L sound yet..  But it’s clear what she’s saying.

I tell you… my kids never cease to amaze/surprise me..

Elisabeth is proud to announce that she lost her first tooth this evening!  She is looking forward to the visit from the tooth fairy!

Here is her beautiful smile!

I’m happy to announce that Handset 1 has made a miraculous return!   A rescue crew was sent, deep into the bowels of “The Couch” this morning.  It appears that Mark was right, the “Couch Cushion Monster” had clutched tightly to Handset 1.

“Handset 1″ is now resting comfortably in it’s cradle.  Handset 2 and 3 are relieved and happy to be reunited! 

MISSING:

 One cordless phone:  Silver in colour, answers to the name of “Handset 1″.  Handset 1 has been missing for 2 weeks, it is desparately missed by family members “Handset 2″ and “Handset 3″.

Please respond if you find it!

Here is a picture of the family member, Handset 3:

A friend of mine sent this to me a few days ago.. 

 That branch would have been sooooo hard to move! 

Since I started working for Shaw, I’ve been called numerous things.  Some of them are funny, like the people who insist on calling you “The Cable Guy”, even though you’ve told them your name.  Others make comments like “Do you know Jim Carrey?”.   Even when I was in the audit department, giving people the choice of paying for there illegal cable or cutting it off, I was given a variety of names..  I’m sure that I don’t need to go into detail about those ones..

But today, I had a new first.  I was in an elevator of a building, when a resident of the building asked me if I worked “for the cable”.  At this point, it was clear to me that his first language was not English.  I replied that I did work for Shaw, and his reply was, “You are an insulter?”.  I smiled, and informed him that indeed that I was an installer.    And that was it..

 So, apparently, I no longer install cable…I just insult it…

 As long as the pay is the same, I’m good with that!